31 March 2009

Parenting and Doctoring

Why it is bad to have a parent who is a doctor (Saturday noonish)...
ThePinkThing: I don't feel good.
NeuronDoc: What's wrong?
TPT: I'm tired.
ND: That's because you woke up at 6 am.
TPT: And my leg fell asleep.
ND: Is it still asleep?
TPT: No.
ND: Then it's okay.
TPT: I think I have a fever.
ND (after checking forehead temp): No, you don't have a fever.
TPT: My stomach hurts.
ND: I think you just don't like your lunch and don't want to eat it. That's fine. If you don't eat your eggs, I won't give you something else instead.
TPT (grumpy): Fine.

Why it is good to have a parent who is a doctor (this morning)...
TPT: Mommy, I can't sleep.
ND (pries eye open, notices that it is 5 am): What's wrong?
TPT: I can't breathe out of one nostril.
ND: Why don't you cuddle with me for a bit?
TPT: Okay.
(climbs into bed. lots of shifting around. and snorting. and elbows. now 5:20 am)
ND: How is it now?
TPT: Still stuffy. I can't sleep.
ND: Would you like to go downstairs and watch TV?
TPT (sits up): Yes! (leaves before ND can change mind)

Why it is bad to be a parent and a doctor (around noon today)...
**ring, ring**
Neurondoc: Hello?
Female Voice: Hello. This is School Nurse. ThePinkThing is here. There isn't an emergency, but she has a temperature of 100.6. She told her teacher that her head hurts.
ND (having visions of meningitis, encephalitis and other awful things): Okay, I'll come right over and pick her up.
SN: She'll be lying down in the Health Room.

**ring, ring**
TheHusband: Hello?
ND: PinkThing alert.
TH: What's up?
ND: The school nurse called to say she has a fever, so I will go down and pick her up.
TH: I can get her. My job for the afternoon was canceled.
ND (somewhat untrusting): Okay. But call me if there is anything really wrong.
TH (correctly reading ND's thoughts and rolling eyes): Fine, I will.

Why it is good to have a husband who is not a doctor...
1 hour later...
**ring, ring**
ND (looks at caller ID -->TH): Well?
TH: She's fine. She's sleeping.
ND (a bit freaked): Sleeping? Was she lethargic, somnolent, confused? Did she say anything about her head hurting? Or a stiff neck?
TH (definitely eye rolling): No. She was lying down in the nurse's office, popped right up, and came over to me. She said she was tired, so we came home.
ND: Are you sure she wasn't lethargic?
TH (slightly annoyed): Yes. She got up at 5 am, remember? Stop it.
ND: But she could have meningitis.
TH: (sigh)
ND: Well, she could. I'm going to come home now.
TH: Fine, but I don't think you have to.
ND: But I'm worried.
TH: (sigh)
ND: Fine, I won't come home. But I'll be pissed at you if something bad happens.

90 minutes later
**ring, ring**
ND (looks at caller ID and cuts off coworker who is talking): Is she okay?
TPT: Hi Mommy!
ND (in a much happier voice): Hi love, how are you feeling?
TPT: Better, Mommy. Daddy and I are watching the Three Stooges on youtube.
ND: You definitely are feeling better...


Janiece said...

Hehe. By the time TPT is 10, you'll only be alarmed when you see arterial spray.

Or a Grade 4 hyphema - I might have exceeded the speed limit getting the SmartBoy to the ophthalmologist that day...

neurondoc said...

I can handle arterial spray, as long as it isn't the carotid artery. O.O

I once stopped at the scene of a motorcycle accident to help out. The victim was on his stomach on the road. As the police carefully rolled him over, a fountain of blood erupted from his leg. The guy had torn his femoral artery. I had the presence of mind to have the cop to take off his belt and use that as a tourniquet. Thankfully, the EMTs arrived like a minute later, so I was able to let the real professionals take care of him. They blasted out of there in about 3 minutes...

He ended up being admitted to the hospital where I was working, so I dropped in to say hi the next day. Amazingly, all he had was a fractured femur, a tib/fib fracture, a torn femoral artery and a bad case of road rash. No head injury. He did eventually regain almost full use of the leg but didn't give up his bike.

Hyphema would've had me breaking the sound barrier... :-)

Ilya said...

Reminded me of a lot of conversations in our house, and neither of us is a doctor.

But my late grandfather was - and I must have gotten his genes somewhere...

vince said...

I'm not a doctor (and don't play one on TV), but I own and update a number of medical books, the PDR, etc. I was the one who was always worried that my daughter had some horrible disease - the ex was more like TheHusband.

However, there was the day I was "watching" her, and she managed to find a bottle of Excedrin in a box in storage that both of us would have sworn she couldn't get to. What she didn't eat she fed to the dog. Oh, yeah. Panic call to the poison control center, followed by Ipecac for both child and dog. And neither wanted to take the stuff.

Yeah, fun day.

mattw said...

I can kind of sympathize. Brandi's fairly afraid of throwing up, and any time anyone is complaining about their stomach being a little upset she goes into lock down mode.

And the 5 a.m. thing too, which is the point that Logan stumbled into our room this morning.