Sometimes, my non-doctor coworkers have medical issues and questions. Just like my friends, they never seem to have neurological problems. No, they have gynecological, gastroenterological, colorectal, or otolaryngological issues, amongst others. Lat week, one of my young non-doctor coworkers came up to my office with a question:
Coworker: Do you have any vitamins?
NeuronDoc: No. Why?
CW: I don't feel too good, so I thought I could take a multi-vitamin.
ND (doctor mode engaged): What's wrong?
CW: I just don't feel great.
ND: Well, a vitamin isn't going to fix that. What exactly isn't feeling good?
CW: Well, I passed out this morning while brushing my teeth.
ND (thinking vitamins definitely won't fix that): That's not good. Could you be dehydrated?
CW (who is in her 20's, might weigh all of 100 lbs soaking wet, and probably walks around with a resting blood pressure of 80/60): Yeah, I think am a bit dehydrated.
ND: Are you dizzy or lightheaded? You don't feel like you're going to pass out now, do you?
CW: No. But I just don't feel right in my head.
ND (not touching that straight line with a 10 foot pole, however tempting it might be): Here's what I think you should do... Drink 16 ounces of water and eat a bag of potato chips.
CW (looks very surprised): Potato chips?
ND: Yes, for the salt. You may be drinking a reasonable amount of water, but I suspect that you are low in salts. The salts will help the fluids stay in the blood vessels and increase the blood pressure and improve the perfusion of your brain.
CW: You're a doctor, and you're telling me to eat potato chips?
ND: Yup. Tastier than salt tablets.
CW: There are some Jalapeño Cheetos in the vending machine downstairs.
ND (Jalapeño Cheetos? Yikes!): That'll work. I hope they are the crunchy kind. Puffed Cheetos are gross...
A couple of hours later, I see the coworker in the hall...
ND: How are you feeling?
CW: Totally fine. A bag of Cheetos cures everything.
ND: Well, that was an easy fix!
Thanks to my coworker, I have a new motto: "A bag of Cheetos cures everything".